A Lifestyle Guide by Willie Jacobson

Here it is folks; today is the day of great revelation. No satire, no sarcasm, just useful advice on how to take shortcuts with your studies but still pass.

Now before the parents cry foul: kids, studying is good. You should do it. You should not take shortcuts, you should not follow any of the advice you are about to read as it is destructive to your education. There, I said it… I’ll say it again, do not follow my advice.

If however you are looking for shortcuts to allow more social time and less study time without sacrificing results, here they are:

Assignments/Essays

1. Read the question. Yes, you’ve heard this before but it’s important. Teachers/lecturers are simple minded people, like props. They have tunnel vision meaning they only look for a few key points and specific answers to their particular question. You may develop Einstein’s Theory of Relativity and solve 3^rd world poverty but if the question doesn’t ask for it, you will fail. If the word count is 2000 words and you answer it in 1200, let it be.
2. Sound intelligent. Whether or not your responses are correct are of secondary importance. Your language will make you sound professional, even if you have the dress code of Isaac Watts and the hairstyle of Danny Ward. Ok, that may be pushing it…
3. Engage & interpret. 50 words of your own examples/understanding are equal to 500 words of researched information. Research takes time, thinking doesn’t.
4. Leave the writing of the essay to the last minute but mull it over in your head in the weeks leading up to submission. Play around with the question in your head but do the writing in one hit as starting & stopping is inefficient. Multi-tasking is inefficient. Women are… woah good thing I stopped there! When you sit down with 2 hours til submission, enter your power typing zone and allow your instincts to do their thing.

Exams

1. Read the question. Yes, you’ve heard this before but it’s important. Teachers/lecturers are simple minded people, like props. They have tunnel vision meaning they only look for a few key points and specific answers to the question. You may develop Einstein’s Theory of Relativity and solve 3^rd world poverty but if the question doesn’t ask for it, you will fail.
2. Yes the above was repeated, it is that important.
3. Past papers. I am confident that you can pass almost any exam at uni with no more than 3 hours revision and I am yet to be proven wrong. How? By knowing what they are going to ask. On average, 60% of the questions will be near identical to previous exams with a further 20% being very similar in nature. Don’t waste time memorising little rhymes and acronyms, that’s just silly.
4. Go to bed early, relax. Every exam I see people desperately flicking through the textbook as they walk into the room. How stupid. If you are to think clearly and engage with the questions well, keep your mind fresh. Your brain can’t think clearly and stress at the same time. You will strike a blank. Do not strike blanks.

Despite being a tempting proposition to claim, passing exams & assignments with minimal study is not due to superior intellect. It is understanding the game. If you tried to play the violin with a golf club we would point a finger and laugh as it doesn’t make sense – you’re doing it wrong.

An esteemed colleague once gave me this advice, “never become a processor.” In essence, do not simply process work with no deeper engagement with it. Do not recite answers Google told you, engage with the question at hand. Being a processor does not impress your lecturer – understanding the wider concept and a deep appreciation of the topic within its social context, does.

This after all, is the purpose of education.

A Lifestyle Guide by Willie Jacobson

That’s right folks, no misprint here…the lifestyle guide is back!

After spending some time in the literary wilderness to gather ideas and rekindle the passion, your trustworthy source of daily advice has made a long-awaited return. Move over Georgie Pie, the Lifestyle Guide is the comeback that literally millions of people have been waiting for. Consider yourselves privileged.

We kick off the new-look lifestyle guide with a special request from Katherine Amelia: the top 10 ways to annoy people. Many topics to be discussed in the lifestyle guide will be based on very little research and experience. However today’s topic is different. After completing my doctorate in annoying people shortly after birth, I have progressed to a level of experience and wisdom in this area that is matched only by fingers on a chalkboard.

1. Tap your fingers on hard surfaces in quiet rooms. Random tapping is for rookies; always ensure your tapping contains sufficient rhythm to engage the other occupants, however sufficient irregularity to avoid enjoyment.
2. Drive very slowly down roads with nowhere to overtake. I’m not talking 45kph, I’m talking 20kph. You are doing an honourable deed in this as you develop the desirable qualities of patience and long-suffering in your fellow motorists. You are doing society a favour.
3. Leave your wiper blades on when it’s stopped raining. The squeaking sound is soothing – like waves on the seashore.
4. Do not buy your Corolla new wheel covers.
5. Repeat words such as ‘Joga’, ‘Ref’, ‘Big Deal’, or the like. These words contain no trace of intelligence or coherence and are destructive to literate society. Societal tragedies such as substance abuse, violence and a breakdown in family structure correlate directly to the frequency in use of these words.
6. Use the term, “It’s not rocket science.” What an idiotic phrase. Clearly every person that has brain function exceeding 1 neuronal transfer per month knows it’s not rocket science. “It’s not difficult” will suffice thanks.
7. Use irregular numbers and units. When writing a blog, do not conform to lists of top 10’s or 5’s but use 7 or 9. When someone asks you for the date, answer using the Chinese calendar. When stating length, use furlongs. Temperature: Kelvin. Speed: m/s. The list goes on…

Seeing as you’re currently thinking this blog has proven unhelpful, pause and think. Prior to expressing your lack of intelligence, understand that annoying people is both beneficial to others and yourself. It develops admirable qualities such as patience and others, whilst you enjoy the humorous aspects of small daily activities.

I leave you today with a quote from Joseph Stein’s classic novel ‘Fiddler on the Roof’:

“The good book says, if you spit in the air, it lands in your face.”

As you read this in your warm room, with the heater on and probably chomping down on a Big Mac… 10 to 12 million people are struggling to survive in the Horn of Africa.

Severe droughts (the worst they’ve had in over 60 years), impossible rise in food prices (200% increase) and civil unrest has made it almost impossible to live there.

Psalm 23:5 says “You honour me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings.”

“My cup overflows with blessings.”

It’s a simple fact that we have to realise; we are overflowing with blessings. Considering the fact that around half of the world’s population lives on under $2.50 a day, we have so much to be thankful for.

We have showers everyday, pouring countless litres of water all over ourselves. Yet throughout Africa 2500 kids die everyday just because they have no access to clean water.

Now, I’m not trying to guilt trip you into not showering (please continue showering) but I guess it puts into perspective how truly blessed we are. It also highlights the importance of not allowing our overflow to be wasted.

Instead of selfishly keeping our blessings to ourselves, we must use it as an opportunity to show God’s love to those around us.

We are blessed to be a blessing.

So while we are thankful for all that God has given us, we need to earnestly consider our money and our possessions. How can we be generous with all that God has given us? God has given us the blessing, the opportunity, the privilege and the ability to bring lifesaving change to those who need our help.

I guess it can be easy for us to fall into the mindset of ‘ticking off’ our ‘Christian check-lists’, saying “I already sponsor a child, I already give money to charities…” – while those are great things, if we are honest with ourselves… we KNOW that we are still a million times better off than those living in poverty.

I hope that as you go through your week, the little blue rhino will remind you of this whole situation. Next time you’re getting McDonald’s, just stop and think… “how am I spending my overflow?”

“If someone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need but shows no compassion—how can God’s love be in that person? Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions.” 1 John 3:17-18

Integrity or moral strength certainly stands out doesn’t it? Sometimes you witness an act of integrity you can feel right in your heart.

I write to you not as the poster boy of Integrity International, but a man who has too easily been lured for a ride in the fast, flashy Ferrari of compromise, rather than drive the humble Skoda of integrity.

Looking back on my life, in defining moments, I can remember some absolute shockers, just in the name of desire, comfort, opportunity or because I couldn’t wait. And what did I ever gain from these momentous decisions? Quite frankly I can’t remember a single advantage, not one thing I value! However, I vividly remember the pain that came later from some of those decisions.

What I have learned from my mistakes, is that integrity costs. Making the right choice, doesn’t always come with a trumpet fanfare of satisfaction afterwards. Sometimes you have nothing to comfort yourself with, but the knowledge that what you’re doing is right, even if it hurts…

Integrity may cost you $19.00 for a new album that you could download from somewhere for free; Integrity may cost you a business deal or a job promotion; perhaps a relationship, even someone you love, and I think that hurts more than almost anything. Growing in integrity sometimes feels like being lonely, poor, missing out or going without! Whoa, not even a nice Skoda!

However, the times when I do act with integrity I can almost hear it rattling my ancestors! Being a man of integrity is incredibly important for my wife, my children, my friends and my neighbours. Most of all, integrity is important to my God, the rewards even stretch to eternity – You just have to remember that nothing is missed by Him. When things get tough I am encouraged by Gal 6:9.

“Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”

May God bess your every effort as you journey, the way Jesus called ‘the narrow road’. As you travel, don’t be lured by the fast ride or the shiny paint job. Integrity will definitely cost you; You’ll require courage, tenacity and perseverance, but along the way you’ll be living as Jesus did, inspiring others and clocking up far greater rewards. Flybuys anyone?

The movie Wall-E had a strong message about caring for our planet. Another theme was about caring for our bodies and our minds in a polluted world, Oh and love, lets not forget love!.

Personally, I made a spiritual connection when the first plant was re-discovered. From this harsh, polluted and dirty environment broke forth a pure sprig of life and they even placed the precious cargo inside themselves like a new heart! Mankind had abandoned and polluted the earth, but in spite of this, they were given a gift; Something, the only thing with all their power, they were unable to create for themselves. New life! (You see what I getting at here?)

One thing that also got recycled in the movie was music. No young person might know or care about the original musical “Hello Dolly!” that some of the songs came from. Over 40 years later director Andrew Stanton used them in a sci-fi story set years and miles apart from the original. Apparently Jerry Herman, the composer, wept when he saw his songs used as a symbol of  naive, optimistic hope in the wake of earth’s destruction. Stanton’s idea was brilliant – The  tunes were used in context of the last tiny remnant of human culture bringing joy and hope to a little robot 851 years later!  Ahhh, new life in new life in new life! (I’m so wrapped up in layers onion boy!)

Our Lord the creator and giver of life, the one we abandoned; We polluted ourselves and were lost, but He in tenderness and mercy stepped into our world and gave us the one thing we could not give ourselves: life, new life! Jesus offers forgiveness and reconciliation, a chance to re-build and start again. Just like Jerry Herman, our music gets played in a new setting, and it has all new meaning in the wake of His resurrection.

Revelation 21:5 “And he sat upon the throne and said, Behold I make all things new. And he said unto me, Write:for these words are true and faithful”