A Lifestyle Guide by Willie Jacobson
A question presented itself to me the other day: how hard can it be to be a famous singer? I mean, the day and age has come where voice synthesizers do all the actual singing, so what’s there left to actually do? Taking a little inspiration from the Black Eyed Peas, mixed with a portion of Justin Bieber and stirred with a healthy dose of Lady Gaga, I believe by following my steps, you too can become an overnight sensation.
- Think of a truly unique theme to sing of. Like unicorns, or window blinds, or one-armed dyslexic dinosaurs. To be honest, the subject matter is irrelevant; it’s how you present it.
- Win American Idol. This is simpler than it seems. I suggest offering half your winnings to the person who votes the most times for you. Your impressive audience vote will override the judge’s decisions. It really is that simple.
- Dress up like a total lunatic. If you can out-dress Lady Gaga, then you will no doubt have an overflowing Swiss bank account, a private island and all your dreams will come true. Maybe…
- Give plenty of doof-doof. A half decent tune with oodles of bass will get people’s bodies moving and their coins rolling your way.
- Get lucky. Honestly, this is the most important step. You may ignore the previous 4 steps, but do not ignore this one. It’s the biggie. Skip step 5 and you may be skipping stardom.
That’s right people, only 5 simple steps required to achieve this easy goal. I personally guarantee that these steps are used by the stars as I do not believe Lady Gaga is capable of anything even slightly more complicated…
Thanks, Willie. Such inspired advice on a question that I’ve been asking myself for years. So how does one get lucky? Ga ga ooo raa raa!
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