A Lifestyle Guide by Willie Jacobson
Sitting under a blanket with a box of tissues, Vicks vapour rub, and a mug of Lemsip has brought me to the subject of this week’s discussion: things I just don’t understand. Contrary to popular belief, I do not understand everything in this life; here are just a few…
- Why can doctors cure types of cancer and perform microscopic surgery, yet can do nothing for a common flu? Telling me to drink plenty of fluids and have plenty of rest hardly justifies 7 years of study…
- What is the obsession with Mi Goreng noodles all about? They’re not that great and you have to open about 6 packets of flavouring as opposed to Maggi’s one. 2-minute noodles have become 13-minute-tired-fingers-and-elevated-stress-levels-noodles.
- Why do things just start working when you take it to someone to get fixed? Other than to teach us a lesson in humility, I do not understand this phenomenon.
- Why do people post pointless status updates on Facebook? Daily emotions, lyrics to a song, and just a bunch of x’s, o’s or hearts serve no purpose. When you do a status update, make it funny, controversial or entertaining. Consider it your contribution to society.
- Why don’t more people wrestle? It’s good for fitness, strength and the ultimate party trick.
- Where did all the good people go? Ok, that was just on my iPod.
- How long will it take before the All Blacks win a world cup? No I don’t count the first one because SA didn’t play, and no they weren’t food poisoned in ’95. I’m getting frustrated and I don’t even really support them…
- Why do people still do the peace sign on photos? Did you think the person taking the photo was acting hostile and just wanted to confirm your peaceful intentions? Doing the peace sign to a camera is as appropriate as high-fiving your teacher when you get a detention; it just doesn’t make sense.
As you would have gathered, I could carry on all day. Yet for brevity sake, I restrict myself. Back to my couch and box of Kleenex; ‘til next week…
Good thing you have me here to give you the answers Willie!
1. Plenty of fluids + rest IS the cure.
2. They taste delicious so it’s all worth it.
3. Exactly that; to teach us a lesson in humility!
4. Boredom.
5. Have other commitments. (So no excuses for people who don’t have other commitments!)
6. They all went to Wave at 6pm every Sunday nights… and are all still there cause they never wanted to leave.
7. Shame on you for not supporting your nation! But to answer your question, when the ABs no longer have the expectation to win, they will win it. No more choke.
8. Nothing wrong with peace!!!
more people don’t wrestle cos not everyone likes to be in a tight bathing suit
Why do I get the feeling a few of these were directed at me?!
Doctors never impress you because having the common cold doesn’t really count as being sick. Similarly, having a slightly sore elbow doesn’t really count as a serious sports injury.
Your computer works when you hand it to me because I don’t verbally & physically abuse it…and I don’t take it to the same places you take your computer. And I don’t click every button that pops up at me.
The All Blacks won’t win a world cup any time soon because AB supporters are a histrionic lot, enjoying the self inflicted misery and self-absorption following defeat at the hands of a nation that really doesn’t win many rugby games…France.
You’re still here Willie. So all the good people haven’t gone yet.
Hey! Nice one William!